reparenting the inner child

readiness for relating

This program can be worked through individually, or as a group. We will work through The Inner Child Workbook: What to do with your past when it just won't go away by Cathryn L. Taylor.  It takes 9 months to make a new human, so expect to take some time for this work to unfold. 

 

Individual coaching for this program unfolds at your pace.  Groups working through this program are set up on a 9 month schedule, focusing on one developmental stage each month.  Registration for groups will be limited to 10 people so that the group remains intimate and everyone has time to share during meetings.

This work of reparenting your inner child(ren) helps you

 

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Reparenting to

interrupt Narcissistic patterns

 

Many argue that the term narcissism has become overused. Yet the continued discussion points to the need for healing around the issues the concept conjurs:

  • devaluing of self,

  • wrestling with toxic shame,

  • poor or porous boundaries, and

  • disconnection from emotions,

  • disconnection from instinct and intuition, and

  • the damage to relationships at home and

  • the damage to relationship at work that results.


Leading psychologists and healers agree that reparenting the inner child, developing healthy boundaries, learning how to fully inhabit the body, and developing a healthy and loving relationship with your emotions are the way forward in the healing journey and demagnetizing the attraction to narcissists and protecting yourself from them at home and work. 

This program is a powerful way to shift patterns that you've spent your life trying to break free from.  Those patterns were laid down before you even had language, so talking alone won't shift them.  Taylor's book uses a combination of experience, creativity, journaling, and ceremony to process the pain and grief we didn't know how to handle as children, and untether our ability to be able to feel more deeply, love more freely, and give ourselves what we'd longed for from those unable to give it to us. 

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Reparenting as

Foundation for Ancestral repair

 

Ancestral work provides a rich opportunity to reconnect with our place of belonging, become well-resourced, heal generational trouble that's been seeping into our lives, and provide a sturdy loving platform from which to work for societal change. For this and other reasons, more and more people are becoming interested in some form ancestral practice and ancestral lineage repair.

Like the living, the dead are in various states of health.  There are those that are healthy and luminous, those that are well-intentioned but struggling, and those that are quite fractured and even toxic.  It's important to keep this in mind with any ancestral practice, and to work with the vibrantly well ancestors only.  Yet if you're considering engaging in some form of ancestral lineage repair work, you'll encounter different levels of health.  

In order to hold ancestral lineage repair work, there are a few skills that should be firmly in place:

  • establishing and maintaining boundaries

  • fully inhabiting your body and staying grounded

  • being a witness without having to jump in and "fix" things

  • having the capacity to hold a container filled with powerful emotions

  • working with guides and helpers

The reparenting work helps you develop all of these skills, with the added benefit of healing and reframing the past so you can be more fully present with your ancestors as they are in the present.  This clearing of the past helps adjust burdens ancestors have been carrying and eases the lineage repair in that way as well. 

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Reparenting to

deepen equity work

 

Working to reparent those inner children can give us a deeper, wider, emotional base to be able to navigate the conversations and actions that are required to build the world our hearts long for.  Wanting to be seen as a good person, wanting approval, wanting to fix things, our own or others' difficult emotions, fear of being shut out of a group, and fear of saying the wrong thing can all trigger unhealed wounds of our inner children. 

Engaging in discussions around race, privilege, and legacies of colonialism are fraught with emotions that can be very difficult and painful to navigate.  Shifting our paradigm from trying to avoid being a bad/racist person to owning that we all have unconscious bias from living in a racist system and therefore will inevitably say or do racist things sometimes can stir up shame, anger, grief, and a host of other emotions and behaviors.  It requires moving from focus on intention and trying to defend ourselves to focusing on impact and owning how we've hurt another so we can learn and grow.

Reparenting inner children enables you to:

  • remain embodied during difficult conversations and situations

  • heal wounds around acceptance and approval seeking so you can be more fully present

  • be a witness to another's emotions 

  • step back from the desire to "fix" that decreases our capacity to be fully present

  • build capacity for discomfort (inability to hold discomfort is one of the primary factors of fragility)

There is no end point to this work, we will never graduate and get a badge. Building a just and equitable world that works for all of us--and the emotional presence that requires--is a lifelong endeavor. 

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Fog and Nature
 

In this coaching program, the developmental stages as laid out by Erik Erikson will be our framework.  According to Erikson, each stage of development has a crisis that has to be successfully resolved.  If we don't successfully resolve that crisis, issues arise.  The workbook has a quiz for each of the stages of development to help us see where we need to focus our attention.  After we see where we need to focus, we'll use group activities, creative projects, and writing exercises to address those issues and shift the emotions and energy that's kept us in a holding pattern.

Participants can expect:

  • to shift patterns that keep occurring in their relationships at work and home

  • to heal wounds inflicted by narcissistic parents and partners

  • to raise self-awareness

  • to gain foundational skills for further spiritual/emotional work

  • to learn how to establish and maintain boundaries

  • to discover and articulate your needs

  • to learn how the mind and body work together to store memories and emotions

  • to learn to be a witness to powerful emotions

  • to learn how to release trapped emotions

  • to learn tools for taking care of their own emotional needs (self-parenting)

  • to expand their compassion for themself and others


Course Content 
 

Month 1
Discovering and Healing Your Children Within
Introduction
Knitting the Group together
​Finding North Star rituals
Establishing the Healthy Adult Within

Month 2
The Infant Self
Birth to 18 Months
Welcome to the World
Trust vs. Mistrust
Basic strength: Drive and Hope

Potential issues from this developmental stage:

  • Fear of intimacy, because it could result in abandonment

  • Needing, but being afraid of, physical affection

  • Continual need for oral gratification (eating, smoking, drinking)

  • Fear of acknowledging needs because of the fear that they will not be met

  • Inability to trust even in trustworthy situations


Month 3
The Toddler Self
18 Months to 3 Years
From Dependency to Autonomy
Autonomy vs. Shame
Basic Strengths: Self-control, Courage, and Will

Potential issues from this developmental stage

  • Inability to say no to friends because you are afraid they will reject you

  • Inability to set limits with your boss because you fear you might get fired

  • Difficulty stating how you feel because you fear you will be humiliated or rejected

  • Feeling smothered if someone tries to get too close

  • Feeling inadequate if a friend is upset and you cannot make that friend feel better


Month 4
The Young Inner Child 
3 to 6 Years
Confronting the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
Initiative vs. Guilt
Basic Strength: Purpose

Potential issues from this developmental stage

  • Feeling awkward about your body

  • Being highly critical of yourself--full of shame

  • Using sex as the only way to feel close

  • Being a perfectionist

  • Having no tolerance for another's behavior


Month 5
The Grade-School Child Within
6 to 12 Years
Judgement by One's Peers
Industry vs. Inferiority
Basic Strengths: Method and Competence

Potential issues from this developmental stage

  • Feeling self-conscious in social gatherings

  • Inability to complete something you have started

  • Not being able to attain professional goals

  • Keeping yourself in debt so you never achieve financial stability

  • Fear of public speaking


Month 6
The Young Teen Within
12 to 15 Years
Getting Comfortable with Discomfort
Identity vs. Role Confusion
Basic Strengths: Devotion and Fidelity

Potential issues from this developmental stage

  • Being sexually shy or inhibited

  • Having an inappropriate need for other's approval

  • Using substances or destructive behavior to cope with the discomfort of life

  • Feeling socially inadequate

  • Feeling overly self-conscious about physical appearance


Month 7
The Adolescent Within
15 to 17 Years
Carving Out a Self
Identity vs. Role Confusion
Basic Strengths: Devotion and Fidelity

Potential issues from this developmental stage

  • Being caught in an active or passive state of rebellion

  • Inability to stand up for yourself

  • Being very controlling and critical of another's behavior

  • Over-involvement in a lover or spouse's life because that person is a reflection of you

  • Being so afraid to stand out that you never discover what your own tastes are


Month 8
Young Adulthood: 18 to 35
The Bridge to Adulthood
Intimacy vs. Isolation
Basic Strengths: Affiliation and Love

Potential issues from this developmental stage

  • Inability to hold a job

  • Propensity to relate to opposite sex in a limiting manner

  • Failure to pay bills, bad credit rating

  • Continuous arguments with roommates or partner about household chores

  • Frustration with professional status


Month 9
Developing Ongoing Relationships with Your Children Within
Working to carry the work out into your life 

Deepening your relationship with your body 

Integrating the wisdom of the body into navigating your life


 

Email us for more information: info@ritesopassage.com