reparenting
with the ancestors

readiness for relating

This program can be worked through individually, or as a group. We will work through The Inner Child Workbook: What to do with your past when it just won't go away by Cathryn L. Taylor. It takes 9 months to make a new human, so expect to take some time for this work to unfold.

Individual coaching for this program unfolds at your pace. Groups working through this program are set up on a 12 month schedule, focusing on one developmental stage over 6 weeks, and allowing for time to find ritual North and having closing ceremonies. Registration for groups will be limited to 15 people so that the group remains intimate and everyone has time to share during meetings. Calls are recorded so you can view at a later time. Format is sharing for the first hour, and dropped-in ritual for the second hour. Joining to share live and doing the ritual via recording later is welcome.

This work of reparenting your inner child(ren) helps you

shift life-long relational patterns
expand your emotional capacity and tolerance
heal from relationships with narcissists
learn ritual/spiritual foundations of grounding, boundaries, protection, and holding space for emotions
prepare the foundations for ancestral repair work
deepen your capacity for racial healing work

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Reparenting to

interrupt Narcissistic patterns

Interruptig Narcissistic Patterns

Many argue that the term narcissism has become overused. Yet the continued discussion points to the need for healing around the issues the concept conjurs:

devaluing of self,
wrestling with toxic shame,
poor or porous boundaries, and
disconnection from emotions,
disconnection from instinct and intuition, and
the damage to relationships at home and
the damage to relationship at work that results.

Leading psychologists and healers agree that reparenting the inner child, developing healthy boundaries, learning how to fully inhabit the body, and developing a healthy and loving relationship with your emotions are the way forward in the healing journey and demagnetizing the attraction to narcissists and protecting yourself from them at home and work.

This program is a powerful way to shift patterns that you've spent your life trying to break free from. Those patterns were laid down before you even had language, so talking alone won't shift them. Taylor's book uses a combination of experience, creativity, journaling, and ceremony to process the pain and grief we didn't know how to handle as children, and untether our ability to be able to feel more deeply, love more freely, and give ourselves what we'd longed for from those unable to give it to us.

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Reparenting as

Foundation for Ancestral repair

Foundaton for Ancestral Repair

Ancestral work provides a rich opportunity to reconnect with our place of belonging, become well-resourced, heal generational trouble that's been seeping into our lives, and provide a sturdy loving platform from which to work for societal change. For this and other reasons, more and more people are becoming interested in some form ancestral practice and ancestral lineage repair.

Like the living, the dead are in various states of health. There are those that are healthy and luminous, those that are well-intentioned but struggling, and those that are quite fractured and even toxic. It's important to keep this in mind with any ancestral practice, and to work with the vibrantly well ancestors only. Yet if you're considering engaging in some form of ancestral lineage repair work, you'll encounter different levels of health.

In order to hold ancestral lineage repair work, there are a few skills that should be firmly in place:

establishing and maintaining boundaries
fully inhabiting your body and staying grounded
being a witness without having to jump in and "fix" things
having the capacity to hold a container filled with powerful emotions
working with guides and helpers

The reparenting work helps you develop all of these skills, with the added benefit of healing and reframing the past so you can be more fully present with your ancestors as they are in the present. This clearing of the past helps adjust burdens ancestors have been carrying and eases the lineage repair in that way as well.

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Reparenting to

deepen equity work

Deepening Equity Work

Working to reparent those inner children can give us a deeper, wider, emotional base to be able to navigate the conversations and actions that are required to build the world our hearts long for. Wanting to be seen as a good person, wanting approval, wanting to fix things, our own or others' difficult emotions, fear of being shut out of a group, and fear of saying the wrong thing can all trigger unhealed wounds of our inner children.

Engaging in discussions around race, privilege, and legacies of colonialism are fraught with emotions that can be very difficult and painful to navigate. Shifting our paradigm from trying to avoid being a bad/racist person to owning that we all have unconscious bias from living in a racist system and therefore will inevitably say or do racist things sometimes can stir up shame, anger, grief, and a host of other emotions and behaviors. It requires moving from focus on intention and trying to defend ourselves to focusing on impact and owning how we've hurt another so we can learn and grow.

Reparenting inner children enables you to:

remain embodied during difficult conversations and situations
heal wounds around acceptance and approval seeking so you can be more fully present
be a witness to another's emotions
step back from the desire to "fix" that decreases our capacity to be fully present
build capacity for discomfort (inability to hold discomfort is one of the primary factors of fragility)

There is no end point to this work, we will never graduate and get a badge. Building a just and equitable world that works for all of us--and the emotional presence that requires--is a lifelong endeavor.

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Program description

In this coaching program, the developmental stages as laid out by Erik Erikson will be our framework. According to Erikson, each stage of development has a crisis that has to be successfully resolved. If we don't successfully resolve that crisis, issues arise. The workbook has a quiz for each of the stages of development to help us see where we need to focus our attention. After we see where we need to focus, we'll use group activities, creative projects, and writing exercises to address those issues and shift the emotions and energy that's kept us in a holding pattern.

Participants can expect:

to shift patterns that keep occurring in their relationships at work and home
to heal wounds inflicted by narcissistic parents and partners
to raise self-awareness
to gain foundational skills for further spiritual/emotional work
to learn how to establish and maintain boundaries
to discover and articulate your needs
to learn how the mind and body work together to store memories and emotions
to learn to be a witness to powerful emotions
to learn how to release trapped emotions
to learn tools for taking care of their own emotional needs (self-parenting)
to expand their compassion for themself and others
to establish the Healthy Inner Adult to be well-seated within them

Course Content

Module 1
Discovering and Healing Your Children Within
Introduction
Knitting the Group together
Finding North Star rituals: Grounding, Boundaries, Agency, Protection

Module 2
Establishing the Healthy Adult Within
Seating Your Healthy Inner Adult in the driver's seat of your life

Module 3
The Infant Self
Birth to 18 Months
Welcome to the World
Trust vs. Mistrust
Basic strength: Drive and Hope

Potential issues from this developmental stage:

Fear of intimacy, because it could result in abandonment
Needing, but being afraid of, physical affection
Continual need for oral gratification (eating, smoking, drinking)
Fear of acknowledging needs because of the fear that they will not be met
Inability to trust even in trustworthy situations

Module 4
The Toddler Self
18 Months to 3 Years
From Dependency to Autonomy
Autonomy vs. Shame
Basic Strengths: Self-control, Courage, and Will

Potential issues from this developmental stage

Inability to say no to friends because you are afraid they will reject you
Inability to set limits with your boss because you fear you might get fired
Difficulty stating how you feel because you fear you will be humiliated or rejected
Feeling smothered if someone tries to get too close
Feeling inadequate if a friend is upset and you cannot make that friend feel better

Module 5
The Young Inner Child
3 to 6 Years
Confronting the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
Initiative vs. Guilt
Basic Strength: Purpose

Potential issues from this developmental stage

Feeling awkward about your body
Being highly critical of yourself--full of shame
Using sex as the only way to feel close
Being a perfectionist
Having no tolerance for another's behavior

Mondule 6
The Grade-School Child Within
6 to 12 Years
Judgement by One's Peers
Industry vs. Inferiority
Basic Strengths: Method and Competence

Potential issues from this developmental stage

Feeling self-conscious in social gatherings
Inability to complete something you have started
Not being able to attain professional goals
Keeping yourself in debt so you never achieve financial stability
Fear of public speaking

Module 7
The Young Teen Within
12 to 15 Years
Getting Comfortable with Discomfort
Identity vs. Role Confusion
Basic Strengths: Devotion and Fidelity

Potential issues from this developmental stage

Being sexually shy or inhibited
Having an inappropriate need for other's approval
Using substances or destructive behavior to cope with the discomfort of life
Feeling socially inadequate
Feeling overly self-conscious about physical appearance

Module 8
The Adolescent Within
15 to 17 Years
Carving Out a Self
Identity vs. Role Confusion
Basic Strengths: Devotion and Fidelity

Potential issues from this developmental stage

Being caught in an active or passive state of rebellion
Inability to stand up for yourself
Being very controlling and critical of another's behavior
Over-involvement in a lover or spouse's life because that person is a reflection of you
Being so afraid to stand out that you never discover what your own tastes are

Module 9
Young Adulthood: 18 to 35
The Bridge to Adulthood
Intimacy vs. Isolation
Basic Strengths: Affiliation and Love

Potential issues from this developmental stage